Day 1

When I went to Fun 'n Fitness Camp sign-up day last Saturday morning I looked around the room and thought (and would later mention to friends) "I thought this was for overweight people!".  The women I saw around me I considered to be slim.  Yes, I sure did consider the bodies of the other women, not in so much as to linger on each individual, but to see how I compared in size, because that is second nature to me.  For as long as I can remember I have been conscious of whether I am the largest person around me.  If I decide I am, it reinforces my negative thoughts about myself, and if I decide there are others who are overweight like me, I feel no better.

Amongst my nerves as I drove to my first session this morning, I wondered if anyone would have as much weight to lose as me, or be as unfit as me?  It is, after all, the reason I don't like being at the gym.  I feel like everyone is fitter, healthier and slimmer and I feel like I stand out a mile in all the wrong ways. 

First impressions - skipping!  Skipping!!  What have I done, I can't do this!  And I will stand out again, for all the wrong reasons, and I will be worse than everyone and it will be embarrassing...

And then Laurinda told me something I've heard so many times, but something about the way she said it, or the situation I was in, made me actually LISTEN.  That I am not to compare myself to anyone else, because I do not know nor have lived their journey and neither have they mine.  What an amazing relief, that I don't have to compare myself, because it's not about me vs anyone but me.

So I did my fitness tests, and I did my best, and it was ok.  In fact, it was even good.

And my other big lesson today, was courtesy of Laurinda's awesome car analogy ~ A car has a large windscreen, so we can clearly see ahead of us and a small rear mirror, so we can glance behind.  To move forward we must focus ahead of us not to the past.  See ya past... helloooo future :-)