The biggest, bestest, most amazing thing is that I got married on March 10. Our wedding was beautiful, magical and dreamy, simply the best day ever. We married on the lawn at Edgewater Motel, with the backdrop of Orewa Beach, in the presence of 50 of our closest family and friends. The word that comes to mind when I think of that day is blessed. It made me realise more than ever before how incredibly fortunate I am to have the people in my life that I do.
Two days later we left our kids in the capable hands of their Nana and Poppa and flew to Rarotonga for a dream honeymoon. And it was stunning! It was warm, beautiful and peaceful. Our accommodation was out of this world, absolute luxury. K and I have never spent so much time alone together, and we cherished every moment. Our love for each other, our commitment to each other and our kids, and our excitment about our future together became stronger than ever.
We made some amazing memories, and had some photos taken that I will treasure forever.
But, sometimes, bad things happen.
I woke in the early hours of Saturday morning to an intruder in our room with his hands on me. It was a very frightening experience. It still is, for both of us. Thankfully he left as soon as I awoke. And thankfully he was found the following day, he eventually confessed, and he was arrested. He faces serious charges. It helps to know he is in jail because that means others will be safe from him.
Figuring out how to process and deal with this event has been difficult. I have no precedent to draw on. Of course, I've cried, we both have, and we've asked why did this happen? It's been a challenge coming home, because naturally all my friends and family want to know how our honeymoon was? And I have been left not knowing what to say. Before the bad thing happened, it was magic. But, a bad thing happened and not something easily dismissed.
Up until yesterday I thought I couldn't tell anyone, because it would hurt them, and I don't want to hurt people. But a good friend has made me realise that acknowledging what happened is part of my healing. It's too big a secret, too big a burdon to keep.
So, it happened, it was scarey, it was traumatising, and I will carry it with me for life. But, rather than be a victim, I see it as an opportunity for gratitude. I am grateful that he left when I woke up. I am grateful for my husband who is my rock. I am grateful for the 12 and 14 year old boys that suggested to the police that they should talk to a certain man. I am grateful to the policeman who went out of his way to make enquiries, who pushed the suspect so hard that he got a confession from him, for I would not have been able to identify him. I'm grateful for the resort owners who gave us a new room, who were generous and caring and loving towards us. I'm grateful for the four magic days we had in Rarotonga before this happened. I am grateful that it was me that this happened to rather than another woman who may not have had the coping mechanisms I do. I am grateful that because this happened to me, he has been caught, and will be where he can't harm anyone else. I am grateful that it happened somewhere else, so I still feel safe in my own home. I am grateful that I can cry, but then I stop, and go on, and know with certainty that I am, and will be, ok.
