justice

I received an email this afternoon.

"Please be advised that police investigation into your complaint is now completed.   
The person responsible in this matter is  a 28 year old male person, Unemployed, and resides at Titikaveka and he is known to the police.  With regards to your case, the male person has been charged for Entering with Intent to Commit a crime and secondly for assault on a female.  The penalty for entering with intent carries a maximum penalty of 5 years imprisonment and for assault, 2 years imprisonment.
Further charges have also been laid against this male person for other offences committed by him around Titikaveka area.
The offender is still in custody and case adjourned to the 03/5/12 for call over."

I am very relieved that my case was indeed taken seriously, and that he is in custody and unable to harm anyone else. I feel this knowledge will help me move forward.

One month on

It has been a month now since Rarotonga, and in some ways it feels distant, but at other times it is like it just happened minutes ago. I am full of conflicting thoughts about how I should be coping, how I should be thinking, what I should be doing. Mostly, I just feel sad, with a dose of anxious, some anger, and a general lack of enthusiasm for anything.
One thing I'm anxious about is knowing what happened to the man who did this. It has been extremely frustrating not to have had any answers from the Cook Islands police. It makes me doubt myself, that they don't think what happened is worth their time, that worse things happen. I have been told 'it could have been worse' and of course I have thought that myself. Thing is, all that makes me think is that my feelings aren't valid. I certainly know people who have endured much worse, maybe I am making myself a victim, maybe I am stopping myself from moving forward. I don't feel like that is true, but I doubt myself.
I want to escape from my thoughts. I understand why people take drugs or drink, to stop thinking. I've thought lots about getting drunk, I think about it every day, but I do know that won't help. Sleep seems the obvious solution, because then I don't have to think, or engage. But when I lay down, or even close my eyes, I become anxious and my thoughts of what happened accelerate.
I used to be someone who said things like "everything happens for a reason" and "we are not dealt anything in life we can't handle" Those words seem particularly cruel right now.

I guess I've finally figured out why I feel so yuck, so tired, flat, bored and uninspired, and it's really not a huge surprise. It's the food. I has to be the food. That, and the lack of exercise. Leading up to the wedding I was exercising 3-4 times a week and eating a super healthy diet heavy in raw fruits and veges. I was feeling awesome. Since the wedding I've slipped right back into old habits of eating low nutrient processed foods, consuming sugar, drinking coffee and not exercising. That, and I'm on some super strong antibiotics for my pneumonia. I have to give myself a break and realise I haven't been well enough to exercise, but I have missed it, and my mental health has suffered without it.

So, I'm back on the wagon today as I've had enough of feeling this way and want to feel happy again! It's time for detox take two! This morning I had a green smoothy for breakfast with spinach, banana, feijoa, vitamin c powder, barley grass powder and kelp powder. It wasn't delicious, but it wasn't horrible, and I feel good about giving my body some much needed nutrition.

I'm pleased that even though I've been eating poorly for the last month (today's exactly one month since the wedding) I haven't piled on the weight. I can feel I've definitely lost some muscle and I've lost a heap of fitness, but I know I can gain it back and I will.

I'm going to go to Zumba tonight. I love Zumba! It's so uplifting, so fun, so energising, and gives me a workout that I actually enjoy.

Onwards and upwards, my life is way too blessed not to be enjoying it!



Post-wedding funk?

I'm not sure what's going on with me at the moment, but I've lost my mojo. No, not that kind of mojo, but my enthusiasm for pretty much everything. I just feel so blah, so bored, so boring! I don't feel like talking to my friends, I don't feel like going anywhere, I'm on the verge of tears at any given moment for no obvious reason and I really don't like it! Maybe it's the post-wedding funk? Maybe it's that I'm still recovering from pneumonia and am tired of feeling so tired? Maybe it's that now that I have time, lots of time, it's too confronting as I can't think of how to spend it?

I got my wedding photos in the post on Thursday, something I have been looking forward to SO much, and I'm actually gutted. I had built up big expectations for the photo's, they were one of my very biggest priorities when it came to the planning and budgeting for my wedding, and they have not met my expectations. I'm disappointed, and I don't know how to deal with it. Part of my disappointment is the way I look in some pics and part of it is not liking the way many of the pictures have been taken/edited. This has lead to me thinking about other things that didn't go quite how I would have liked.

I know I ought not to have this negative perspective. I know I should be grateful for my life. But for whatever reason, right now I just don't feel good. And knowing I shouldn't feel this way just makes me feel worse. K knows I'm not feeing right and he wants to help, but I don't know what to tell him. Right now, I'm just a sad daisy.

Unless....

I've always loved the story of The Lorax, it's one of Dr Seuss' many masterpieces, so I have waited with much anticipation for the release of the movie. Yesterday I finally got my chance to see it and I was not disappointed. Not often enough does a family movie come along that is truly appropriate for all ages, entertaining for all ages, and carries a message worth sharing. I saw it with my 3, 5 and 10 year olds and husband, and we all thoroughly enjoyed it. Unlike many family movies, this is one that I would happily watch again and again!

"Unless someone like you cares a whole aweful lot, nothing is going to get better, it's not" - the Lorax

I love this message so much, and it excites me that people will hear it when they watch this movie. I feel driven to be the change I want to see in the world, and sometimes it feels so overwhelming. But every small seed, small act, small change has the potential for something huge, and I love that. Each of us have the opportunity, and I feel the obligation, to contribute and be part of the solution, no matter what the problem. Whether it's pollution or poverty, I can make a difference, and I have to, because if not me, then who?